


With or Without You

by fourtimesaroundthesun



Category: SHINee
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Canon Compliant, M/M, Short, character and relationship study disguised as a story, somewhat unhealthy relationship dynamics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-18 07:48:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29730672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fourtimesaroundthesun/pseuds/fourtimesaroundthesun
Summary: This time, Kibum pushes Minho too hard.I can't liveWith or without you
Relationships: Choi Minho/Kim Kibum | Key
Comments: 6
Kudos: 26





	With or Without You

**Author's Note:**

> Title inspired by "With or Without You" by U2. I especially recommend the Scala and the Kolacny Brothers cover ([link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XlD3eexJ5mk)).
> 
> I've loved Minkey and SHINee for a long time and thought I would finally write something for them! This work was inspired by [this](https://www.koreaboo.com/news/shinee-minho-key-army-bicker-chemistry-funny/) article. Not beta'd, all mistakes are my own. 
> 
> Though short, I hope you enjoy this piece!

Kibum isn’t _worried_ , exactly, he tells himself. He can’t explain why his fingers are trembling a bit as he types out the text message, though. “We okay?” he messages Minho.

He waits with bated breath. One minute passes, then another. Then five, then ten. Minho’s already finished his live stream, so he definitely should have been able to see the message. Kibum stares at the little blue bubble, but it remains stubbornly on sent, not read. Kibum is starting to get the sneaking suspicion that Minho has seen the text as a push notification but is waiting to click on the message when he has an answer prepared for precisely this reason.

When the response comes, it is so sudden that it catches Kibum off guard. It’s nothing compared to the sucker punch in the gut Kibum feels when he reads the message though.

“I need some space.”

Kibum’s heart sinks. Apparently, he _did_ have something to be worried about. Minho was apparently a better actor than Kibum had given him credit for—his forgiving laughs had sounded genuine. 

Kibum imagines what Minho might look like right now. Wearing that stupid military uniform, probably, sitting at the edge of a chair with his back hunched, brow furrowed as he types out the reply. Kibum can’t describe exactly what he’s feeling as he pictures Minho in his mind’s eye, but it feels suspiciously like a potent mixture of desire and longing.

I’ve really done it now, haven’t I, Kibum thinks to himself. It’s what he’s always hoped and feared. Theirs is a relationship of push and pull, or maybe just push. Kibum goads the normally patient and placid Minho on and on, certain there’s a crackling fire underneath the cheerful exterior. When he succeeds—when Minho finally snaps, raises his voice, gives it back as dirty as he gets—Kibum always experiences a vindictive sort of victory. See, Kibum wants to say to Minho, you’re not perfect after all. You have ugly and devastating tendencies too. 

It’s almost reassuring to Kibum, the evidence that golden boy Minho has an ugly and devastating soul that mirrors his own. Kibum pushes and pushes because he doesn’t want to lose Minho. Because he wants Minho to come back, repentant, every time, no matter how bad his behavior has been. Because deep down inside, he knows he doesn’t deserve Minho, and self-destructively he gives Minho reasons to leave. 

Kibum likes to keep what he considers healthy space between him and Minho. It’s why he has Minho just saved as Minho in his phone. It's why he ignored Minho's texts and didn't arrange a time for them to meet while they were in the military. It’s why he acted detached when Minho showed up to Taemin’s broadcast. It’s why he commented that he was leaving the live stream because Minho was talking about soccer. It's what is expected of him, and Kibum plays his part.

Kibum always makes fun of Minho’s fangirls. Would they still like you if they knew this is what you are really like? What do they see in you? Kibum can already picture the defensive, affronted, pitiful pout Minho has on his face when he gets teased in this way.

But that’s not entirely true, is it?

The reason Kibum keeps his distance is because in reality, he is too attached to Minho.

What can he say? Minho is too lovable. As handsome as he is, it doesn’t hold a candle to how beautiful his personality is. He’s kind, patient, responsible…his reputation as Korea’s sweetheart is not unwarranted. 

As attached as Kibum is, though, he knows Minho is unattainable. Minho has only ever dated women and has never given any indication that he’s interested in men. As affectionate as Minho is, Kibum knows it’s purely platonic. Minho can’t give Kibum what he wants, if Kibum were ever brave enough to ask.

So Kibum keeps his distance and pushes Minho away to protect himself.

It’s easier this way.

**Author's Note:**

> It's up to you, dear reader, whether Kibum's assumptions about Minho's sexuality and the possibility of a relationship with him are accurate or not. (Minho does seem awfully upset though...) 
> 
> Disclaimer that I made Kibum more one-dimensional for the sake of this work, although I know he is more multi-dimensional than he is depicted here! 
> 
> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed! Comments and kudos are very much appreciated :)
> 
> [cc](https://curiouscat.qa/4xaroundthesun)


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